3 years of fistula freedom

I’m back in Bangalore to do Panchakarma (which I will also write about), and through sheer chance, it’s coincided with my 3-year fistula free anniversary! I didn’t even realise till after I’d arrived. Love it. My butt and I will celebrate our buttversary here.

Coming back has been wild. The whirlwind of memories and emotions that hit you in the face and leave you blindsided is intensely overwhelming! The energy here is very wow.

I planned on writing an annual update on my recovery, but neglected to do one last year as I lost my beautiful father and was not coping well (one of the many reasons I’m here). So, now it has reached 3 years. And what do I have to report about the physical recovery since fistula freedom? Nothing really! 

I no longer have any sensations or glitches in the area (that ended long ago, after the first year)…I no longer adapt to, or have any automatic reactions or hesitations to how I move or sit like I used to, when I had to accommodate the pain…I no longer have flashbacks or memories of the heaviness I lived with on a daily basis and the way my life was affected in every single way…I no longer recall the intensity of the pain that I went through…Sure it’s all still there in the back of my mind, but the traumas around it are faded. In fact, I now look back on the fistula as a ‘hard blessing, but so powerful in many ways’ – to quote a dear friend. (Having said all that, the other day I heard a patient yell in pain and was transported back in time for a brief moment and cried…so I guess the depth of it hasn’t completely left my psyche. Will it ever?!)

The only thing that is different physically, is that I now have a scar. That’s it. 

The fistula itself was super traumatic, as any fistula fighter would understand, but to have come here, on the adventure I did, well that just added a whole new level to it. One only a select few can understand, which can be very lonely at times. I now look back on that journey as the best experience of my life. Turning horror into joy. 3 years on and I still think about it every day. It changed me in many ways that only presented themselves as time went on.

I came here for the fistula and left with open eyes about many subjects, bonds that will never be broken and a far deeper understanding of humanity. The story morphed from fistula freedom to one full of many more meaningful experiences than I could have ever imagined.

Reuniting with Dr Bhat and his staff was emotional and absolutely amazing. Warm and welcoming. Having previously been here for 8 months, you can’t help but become friends, not just physician and patient. Doc is a very special human. I missed them all so much! They cared for me when I was at my lowest and all helped bring me back to life. They really do leave a mark on you with their manner – humble, kind, caring, calm. I swear the people here just seem to embody inner peace – and it shows. How do I do that?! All my local friends have welcomed me with open arms, genuinely happy to see me…it’s been overwhelming to say the least.

I also reunited with a cherished friend who was here with me 3 years ago which was deeply special. We got to step back in time and reminisce about it all – the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was extremely cathartic. Being around someone who really gets it after all this time made me realise how much I needed it. It was therapeutic and an opportunity to once again try understand it all because it still blows my mind!

Doc has a new hospital that I will also share here, this will help future patients know what to expect. Plus, it’s impressive!

I share this all, because even though you come to India to fight a fistula, and that was my purpose for starting this blog, it doesn’t end there and I wanted others to know how wild and everlasting the fistula ride can be…and not for reasons you expect.

A journey absolutely worth braving.